cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

[ She smiles against Shaw's cheek. ]

I can do that. And you can grab your cheat sheet and tell me what all those colors in the emotion ball mean.

All of them?

[Gray included?]

All of them.

[ Each and every one. ]

Do we have chocolate chips?

Top left cabinet over the sink. Cheat sheet's in the cabinet under the TV.

[Fetch it for her so she can be lazy, Root!!]

[ Grinning, Root kisses Shaw on the cheek. ]

Let me get changed first.

[ She has not yet noticed the t-shirt on the pillow, by the way. She's been preoccupied with her girl and their dogs!

'Getting changed' includes freshening up a little. When she emerges from the bathroom, she's in lacy black underwear. As soon as she dons her cute apron, she grabs the cheat sheet for Shaw and starts working on those pancakes. ]

[By the time she gets back into the main room, Shaw has retrieved her orb from underneath the couch, and is turning it around in her hands as she lies on her back. She takes the cheat sheet, but doesn't need it to explain the orb's current color; like she'd said, it's the only one she's looked up so far.]

Gray. N/A - not applicable.

[A pause.]

Neal left.

[She stares hard at the orb, waiting for a change.]

[ The sounds of preparing pancake mix stop immediately when Shaw says Neal left. The gray being no emotion-- that's completely fine. Root stands by what she said about gray being beautiful. But losing Neal...

Root leaves the ingredients on the counter and goes back to the couch, sitting right next to Shaw so they're shoulder to shoulder. ]

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Did it just-- happen?

Yeah, actually. Which is weird.

[The gray clouds shiver, and a purple haze starts to swirl slowly underneath them, occasional shot through with orange bolts. Shaw prods at her front teeth with her tongue, checking for chips.

[ Root slides an arm around Shaw and gives her a little squeeze. ]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Finding a little chip on her left lateral incisor, she pokes at it with the tip of her tongue in lieu of answering.

Only for a few seconds, though.]

I don't really know what to say. I thought maybe the simulation was going to see what I'd do if it took people away one by one, but you're back now.

That does sound like something Samaritan would do.

[ When she finds Samaritan, she'll compress it to within a Planck length of its life, stuff it in a flash drive, fry it in a microwave, and drill into it until it's more holes than physical materials. And even that would be too kind a fate for it.

Discreetly, Root taps out the Morse for 4AF against Shaw's arm. ]

Hm. You said I was unconscious for about six weeks. That puts us in mid-February. [ A sharp little sigh. Root shakes her head. ] I missed Valentine's Day. On top of all the rest of what you've been dealing with...

[ She leans her head against Shaw's. ]

I don't care about Valentine's Day.

[... That probably sounds harsh in a way she hadn't intended, and she murmurs a quiet Sorry.]

I do care about you.

[ No, it sounds like Shaw stating a fact about herself.

Root pulls back and strokes a finger down Shaw's cheek. ]

And I care about you. So. You tell me what you want to do right now: catch up, talk things out, walk the dogs, watch me cook...

[She is hungry, and Root does look particularly nice to watch right now. Reaching back with her hand, Shaw runs her fingers along the inside of Root's wrist, then trails them up her forearm, over her stomach, and across her hipbone before withdrawing.]

When things don't feel real, it's nice not to have too many choices to make. So, uh-- you can cook. I'll just lie here. I'm still trying to figure out what I think about Neal.

[The orb gets a brief glance.]

We could... talk about that.

[ Well then. ]

I'll cook, you think, and we'll talk over breakfast.

[ She kisses Shaw's cheek and gets to it, with plans to make the most indulgent pancakes she can for Shaw, and a few basic but tasty ones for the dogs. ]

Edited 2024-02-19 19:53 (UTC)

[Shaw is quiet for the first minute or two, staring at the purple-orange smears under the gray as she absently pets Bear's ears (Jet, for his part, has joined Root in the kitchen area, hoping to pick up some scraps). Eventually, without budging her gaze, she says:]

Do you remember when Harold left for a while, after the Machine told us to kill the Congressman?

[ Patience, Jet. Root isn't leaving you or Bear out! ]

Yes. After you and I did Alaska and Miami.

[ Ah, memories. That was before things got terribly complicated. And just before... well. They're here now. And she won't prod now. Shaw is going somewhere with this. Root will let her go at her pace. ]

It's like that, kind of. He's safe, and he's going to go be happy with Raylan, but--

[Shaw's brow furrows.]

It messes with my equilibrium. Everything feels a little off-center.

Of course it does. People help regulate each other's entire state of being. When someone you care about leaves, you're without a part of yourself.

[ All of this said while starting on the actual cooking part. She blows Jet a kiss. Patience! ]

Mmmm.

[The furrow deepens.]

Is that how it was for you without Harold?

Sort of.

[ She focuses on flipping a pancake. It makes remembering feel like she's watching a feed. ]

I'm used to flying solo, and I still had the Machine, but... Harold is irreplaceable. If I anything happened, I know he'd have my back. Without him, facing Samaritan, making sure you and John and Lionel were safe, that our number-- that Grace was safe...

[ Shrugging, she glances over her shoulder at Shaw. ]

I felt off-balance.

I've never felt like a person was a part of me, or that I'm missing a piece of myself when they're gone. I can't even imagine what that's like. But...

[She traces one of the faint orange swirls.]

We fit well together. And now there's an empty space, not inside me but next to me.

You did fit well together.

[ And there's nothing anyone can say or do to fill the space Neal left behind in Shaw's life, and no one to be angry with over it happening at all. ]

Is there any way you can see each other again? Someday?

He says he's coming back someday, but I don't know why he would. And that's how life works; nothing lasts forever. He's alive. That's the most important thing.

[And she really does mean all that.

But. Empty space.]

[ And when something ends, people feel the loss. That's part of life too. ]

He's alive, and you have your memories of him.

[ Done with the basic pancakes, she starts on the fancy ones. Would that she could leave them to cook on their own so she could sit with Shaw and hold her. Telling her that it's okay to miss him is redundant; Shaw knows that. But oh does Root want to just hug the heck out of her. ]

What does the emotion ball say when you hold it and talk about Neal?

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