No. I'm talking about... I know it's me, okay. It's always been me. It didn't start when my father was arrested. That just made it worse or... more obvious. Or compounded, I guess, with the cPTSD. But I've been working on dealing with my...self with professionals and with every... attempt at connection I've ever failed at and it's disheartening that you don't believe me when I tell you that this is as good as I get. This is my most palatable form. And you don't begin to know the struggle it took to get to this point, so I think you don't really understand the... the killing blow that it is to hear from someone I respect that I just need to try harder. That I need to pull up my socks and just work on it. There isn't a non-annoying me under the surface, okay? If you're waiting for that guy to show up and hang out, he's authorized me to tell you that he's never coming.