You’re in a group with its own rituals and you chastised me for saying I wasn’t going to try to awkwardly insert myself in them and now you’re chastising me for suggesting that being part of a group means being included in its rituals. How do I fit in the group if I’m not part of it? I don’t, is the answer, and I’m okay with that. It’s not self-sabotaging; it’s understanding what not being invited to the lunch table or birthday party or company bowling team or whatever it is looks like and I know what that looks like. Nobody says you can be on the bowling team - of course you can - just don’t ask why everyone else gets a shirt and you don’t.