cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

I have a gun on me.

[One gun. But as far as Shaw is concerned, a full arsenal is for fun, not an utter necessity; she's pretty sure she could take Hannibal bare-handed if she needed to.]

Rogers has the rest of my stash, but I'm gonna leave that where it is for now. I trust Cole with weaponry, but he never liked it much. I don't wanna put that on his shoulders.

Same as me, if the Admiral hadn't offered the whole setup to me. [ He mutters it quietly after Shaw lists off people. ]

Oh- [ He pauses, genuinely surprised at the compliment. ] Thanks. I don't know if that was me 'handling it' so much as me trying to help and being completely outmatched. But I did what I could.

Trying to help counts as handling. And it sounds like you did help, unmatched or not.

-- Same as me too, by the way. A couple months ago-- a couple months before the Barge, I mean - I shot a woman Decima presented me with in the head because I thought it wasn't real and didn't matter. If I'd woken up here without an explanation, I would've assumed simulation from the jump.

good. it does kind of suck

[Which requires the admission:]

there WAS a time when I did think more like that but I got over it. I like to think it's one of the few bits of me that's managed to become kind of mentally healthy :P

Okay. Just as long as you're ready. Sounds like you are.

Feel free to shoot him if he so much as looks at you. I doubt anyone's going to feel bad about it...and it's probably the safest way to handle him.

Oh, I'll shoot him. In the knee. I used to hate taking the kneeshots, but I've come around to the idea.

[ He lets out a huff of a breath. And then a tired laugh. ]

I know we're talking about how much progress I've made, but I'd really like to kill anyone involved with those simulations.

Planning to. Hopefully soon.

Do you wanna follow up with the new guy, or are you good?

Better shoot both knees, just to be sure.

[ But he's sounding slightly more jokey and slightly less panicky now. ]

Good.

I'm good, I think. I might talk to him eventually, but after everything's settled down. I doubt either of us need a mediator.

If you do, tell me how it goes, yeah? And if you decide not to, I wanna hear your thought process there, too.

All right. I'll check in with you about it later, then.

Roger, roger.

[ Root waits until they're both out and about, doing their thing, and won't be seeing each other for at least a few hours, before she sends off a message to Shaw. ]

Talk more later, but it's been a year. I should be home again by now.

[ She will not reply to any messages about this. She will, however, talk about it over tea when they're both back in the cabin for the night. ]

I figured you'd be keeping track. You ok?

Root?

If you don't want to talk, at least give me a sign of life.

[ Or else she's going to come looking. ]

[ Okay, okay, she won't be a jerk about it. ]

I'm okay. See you tonight.

[Phew.

Shaw doesn't text back, nor does she do through with hunting Root down: she well understands needing space and wanting to be left alone for a while. It also gives her some time to try to figure out what to do.

After a few hours of deliberation, this involves returning to the cabin with two guns more than usual in her pockets.]

Root?

Hey, sweetie.

[ Root is sitting on the couch, a mug of tea in hand, a bottle of cold beer on the little coffee table in front of the couch. She is prepared, ok, and she won't waste any time getting to the point, not after being cryptic and quiet throughout the day. ]

I figured I should talk to you about this. The dogs are great listeners, but they're not the best at giving feedback.

[Shaw's eyebrows jump in mild surprise, but she doesn't hesitate. Temporarily abandoning the idea of a distraction via an Enclosure gun outing, she grabs up the beer and takes a seat next to Root on the couch, angling her upper body towards her.]

Sure. I'll, uh... let you start.

[ Ugh Shaw is the best. Enclosure gun outing as a reward?? :D

Root would put it off even if she knew that was Shaw's plan, because this is serious. Once she seizes on an idea (well-- a good idea), Root doesn't let go until it's accomplished. So, yes, time to begin accomplishing. ]

I don't think I've made any progress toward graduation. I've been here for a year. I agreed to this. But all I've been doing is... [ a sigh ] playing house and annoying people. That's not what I came here for. Tim may be gone, but that doesn't mean I can just forget my goal.

[ There's no question because she has none to ask. She just wants to talk about it. Maybe she wants to establish some form of accountability. Maybe she's hoping this will take her straight to the goal.

Maybe she just wants to be right about something. ]

Okay. I agree.

[She says it slowly, making sure to pick her words carefully and deliberately.]

I think saying that and meaning it's a sign you've made some progress, though. You came here willingly, yeah, but let's not kid ourselves; that doesn't mean too much, considering the alternative. Wanting to work at it means more.

A small percentage of progress, [ Root murmurs, rolling her eyes with a smile, without cheer in her eyes ] but progress nonetheless.

[ Wry at best, just shy of self-deprecating. This whole thing sucks, but wanting to go back home isn't enough, or else she'd be back by now. No, she has actual work to do, and that means looking into the locked rooms in her mind where she keeps the scary things, the hardest truths, the most unsettling memories.

Ugh. ]

I suppose I can start with the question Tim gave me to think about before he disappeared.

[ U G H ]

[Shaw lifts a foot, gently nudging Root in the knee.]

The one that kinda messed you up for a while there?

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