cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

[From here.]

what impression did you get

I don't think we've ever had a conversation without a difference of opinion. Which is fine, I can like all sorts of people, as long as those differences don't come back to bite anyone I care about. So I extrapolated. I wasn't trying to criticize you here. I do genuinely appreciate what you said.

Edited 2023-04-04 18:28 (UTC)

i don't really care if you criticize me, i did fuck up with your inmate

only time i remember disagreeing with you was on diplomacy vs proactivity, though

Edited 2023-04-04 18:39 (UTC)

[If they're discussing Sweeney, she's going to flip this to Private.]

If you've unfucked up since, we don't have a problem now. But it's no more fair to ask him to change what he fundamentally is than it was for him to be made into that in the first place. He's been changed at human whims too many times, and you gave him more of the same shit.

As for the rest of it, we approach everything from opposite angles, so I wasn't sure where to expect common ground. That's all. I'm extremely emotion-driven. Feelings and intimacy are my bread and butter, and 90% of my motivation at any given time. Even if the other 10% is sheer calculation.

[And this is apparently a Serious Chat^{TM^{now, so Shaw switches over from lazytyping.]}}

You're smart and practical, and you don't let your emotions lead you into stupid decisions. Not from what I've seen, anyway.

Are you going to try to undo what was done to Sweeney?

Takes a lot to get me to make stupid decisions. Somebody seriously harming my people might do it, but I have a strict no-retaliation-against-inmates policy here, which eliminates a fair amount of temptation. ...Or rather, puts a wall around it. I'm still tempted.

What do you mean by 'what was done to' him?

The curse that was put on him. What he was made into.

The part I don't think you get is that those are different things.

He's been other things, but there's nothing wrong with what he is now. Just with how he got there, warped over time by humanity's shifting beliefs into something new. If he ever wants to be anything else, to choose something different, it would take a deal. And it's not my decision.

In the meantime, he deserves to be met where he is, on his own terms, rather than contorting himself to fit ours. I'm not always good at it, but the very least I owe him is to try.

What has he told you about the curse?

Not much. Just that it makes it hard for him to keep things straight in his head, and then there was the whole thing about him not being able to get out of bad deals.

I don't think there's something wrong with him. I think it sounds like wrong was done to him.

Wrong was absolutely done to him. Over and over again, for hundreds and thousands of years. I'm furious every time I think about it. But do you understand that where you screwed up the first time was in treating him like there's something wrong with inherent parts of what he is?

We made him into a leprechaun, and then a lot of us treat him like the rules that govern his existence are a problem, or an inconvenience, or an inherent injustice even if he chooses his deals carefully. That's not okay.

And yes, he was cursed, but the curse has literally nothing to do with him being a leprechaun. Nothing to do with his deals. They're separate issues.

The deals do seem like an inherent injustice. It sounds like bullshit that if he ends up in a bad one, he can't make the choice to pull out. Magically robbing someone of their free will is a bad thing to me.

But like I said. You're smart, and you seem okay with it. So I figure there's something I'm missing, and I'm trying to be more okay with it, too. Still gives me the willies, but I'm working on it.

The curse only has to do with him getting his identities mixed up, and nothing else?

Trying to say, "well, you shouldn't have to make deals," is like me telling you that you need to feel things you don't, in that it's a fundamental lack of acceptance of his reality. Which he doesn't need. He's had so much of it that he's shocked these days when anyone meets him there without hesitating.

It's too late for initial impressions, but he's not unobservant. He'll notice if you're disturbed by his very nature every time you look at him. I'd appreciate it if you could sort your baggage out instead of laying it on him.

As for the curse, there are several versions of the story, and considering he's built out of human belief, perhaps they're all true. But what they have in common is that he was a legendary king, cursed, who ended up crazy and wandering. It makes sorting things out hard, especially with all the extra lives stuffed into our heads here.

His deals aren't a curse. Being a leprechaun isn't a curse. Being rewritten over and over into something new, while not fair, is also not a curse. Only the madness.

You don't worry that just accepting it sends the message that it's okay that it was done to him? And the same with calling him mad and crazy?

No. The relief on his face whenever someone gets it is obvious enough. It's a weight lifted. He could use more of that.

He knows I hate what was done to him, and he also knows I think it's bullshit when people expect him to change yet again instead of accepting him as he is. Both things can be true.

I don't call him mad, generally. The fucking Admiral called him Mad Sweeney when pairing us, and I was pissed off about it. But I don't necessarily think there's anything served by dancing around the words, either, as long as I'm not flinging them at him in a derogatory way. Mostly, I let him use what words he wants.

Ok. Noted.

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whoops, i forgot she was doing lazytyping

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