IC contact for lastvoyages

[cactusy]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Shaw's door.]

Comments

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[cactusy]

i don't think of you as a copy

but i do remember that one breach more often than you'd probably like

it was too different to really confuse me, but it's still there

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[worthallthis]

it doesn't bother me that you think about it Sameen

but I'm glad you don't think of me as a copy :) I'm a little less hung up on who "me" is these days since I've had some time to settle into it anyway

I even did go by Bucky when I was out in the world. felt pretty weird to be honest

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[cactusy]

why did you pick B, anyway?

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[worthallthis]

completely through random conversation and without really thinking about it too hard to be honest!

it really bothered my warden that I didn't have a name so she kept picking random things to call me. started with Buddy actually. Bucky and Buddy just got shortened into B as a nickname at some point in a conversation and then I decided I liked it so I kept it

she'd been angling for me to pick up my original name again but she considered any name technically good enough in the end, thank god

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[cactusy]

do you feel like you're literally a different person from who you were before the brainwashing torture stuff?

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[worthallthis]

nah. only in the way that I'm a different person from who I was at 10 and 20 I guess

I think of it like the core layout of the house is still there it's just that the furniture got moved around, the walls repainted, and a few holes got knocked in the plaster here and there

[That's a completely separate thing from the multiple universe versions thing, to him.]

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[cactusy]

nice analogy

and i have to say, it's a relief to hear

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[worthallthis]

thanks I've been sitting on it for ages in case Steve ever got a bug in his ear about it again

a relief that I don't think the torture turned me into someone totally different? is that something you worry about yourself?

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[cactusy]

no

but yours was centered around destabilizing your sense of self in a way that mine wasn't

[And the epicenter of her torture - the destabilization of her sense of reality - is something she continually struggles with.]

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[worthallthis]

good. it does kind of suck

[Which requires the admission:]

there WAS a time when I did think more like that but I got over it. I like to think it's one of the few bits of me that's managed to become kind of mentally healthy :P