cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

Yeah.

[She presses her foot against Root's leg again, but this time she leaves it there.]

Any way I can help? I get that I was probably too flippant about it, the first time.

[ Root gently nudges Shaw's leg, her smile going genuine, finally. The hardest part of this conversation is over. ]

Keep being you. That's enough to remind me of what's at stake.

I'm not going anywhere if I have anything to say about it.

[She says quietly, meeting and attempting to keep Root's gaze.]

Me too.

[ Because, as she has now witnessed, one can just... disappear from the Barge. And that means-- ]

The only way I'm leaving is if I've graduated. Blame the Admiral if I'm gone before then.

[ Maybe kill him a little, if you even can. ]

I'll blame him for bringing you in the first place.

[ Shaw mutters, because as much as she likes having this extra time with Root, it's never lost on her that Root being here as an inmate had negated Shaw's chance to save her with a deal - a surer thing than relying on graduation, in her opinion. ]

So, uh-- what do you wanna do? Do you wanna talk about the thing he said?

[ Sipping her tea, Root nods. ]

Apparently, I tend toward codependency. Apparently, that isn't only his opinion, so it bears thinking about.

[ Just because she's willing to talk about this doesn't mean she's happy about it. Root doesn't avoid Shaw's gaze, but she doesn't hold it steadily, glancing here and there often before settling back on Shaw. Her smile is shaky and not as bright as she likes it to be. ]

I would've thought I come off more hyperindependent.

I mean, yeah, with most people. But when you go, you go hard.

[ Shaw shrugs, and hunches forward slightly. ]

You know, just because I agree, and just because I think it's probably something you're supposed to be working on - it doesn't bother me. Not personally. It's not like I've been sitting here secretly stewing in anger over how codependent you are. It's just that you said Tim said it, and I was like, yeah, that tracks.

You'd tell me if I were really annoying you.

[ That's something Root is certain of. It's not that Shaw won't lie, but that she's honest when it counts. With each other, Root feels that it always counts. ]

Now that you see it, though-- am I like that with you?

Not really. Not like you and the Machine are.

[ Ah-- that still stings. Root shifts slightly, sipping her tea again. ]

Can you elaborate?

On-- which part?

[ Shaw asks, her brow furrowing. ]

How I'm more codependent with Her than with you.

I mean, like I said before, you have i-- her in your head all the time at home. Even beyond just missing her: does it feel wrong to have the inside of your head be just you?

[ She has to think about that for a second. ]

It feels quiet. [ It feels lonely. ] I'm not sure if it feels wrong or not, but it feels like something is missing.

Yeah. And, uh-- I don't think any warden of yours is gonna say it's bad to have that direct line at all. But they're probably gonna want to help you feel less... like that.

[ Less like she's lost and half hollow? :/ ]

Probably, [ Root agrees. ] I guess. But I'm not sorry I miss Her.

You know what's weird? I think I kind of do, too.

[ Who wouldn't? She knows where you need to be, and when to be there, and what to bring with you. She can spot danger before anyone else can and saved lives. She's funny and intelligent. ]

She missed you, you know. When they took you.

[ Root is fairly sure she's told Shaw that before. ]

I still don't get that.

[ Shaw says, drifting a hand over to idly stroke Root's arm. ]

It knew where I was, right?

I'm not sure.

[ Root has lived with that uncertainty for as long as she could before she demanded action, but she had been too afraid of the answer to ask the question. ]

You were out of reach. When we almost lost Her, She apologized for not being able to save you. I can't imagine She would've let you suffer for all that time if there was anything She could've done.

Were you angry with i--

[Shaw pauses, frowning slightly at herself, and presses her foot a little more firmly against Root's leg.]

Her. Were you angry with her? John and Harold never gave me details, but they both kinda intimated that things were... complicated with you while I was gone. Between you and them, and between you and the Machine.

[ Shaw's foot against her leg is grounding, a good thing as Root thinks back to those days. Her voice gets quieter, and she mostly looks at the space between them. ]

I was angry at everything. And everyone. She told me to stop obsessing over trying to find you. Harold and John tried to stay focused on the numbers. It took time before I listened and kept working on taking down Samaritan. If I got them, Samaritan and its agents, then I could get to you.

[ Yeah, that's what kept her going. The world they knew was fast changing, and what Root wanted most was to get her then-girlfriend back. Charming. Heroic. ]

It was hard, but we got through it. Got through to you, and you came back.

I came back.

[She echoes the words quietly, keeping her thumb moving against Root's arm in a smooth, repetitive motion. She falls silent for a few long moments, a look of concentration on her face, until she finally makes a small sound of dissatisfaction.]

Sorry, I, uh-- I suck at this part. All of this, actually; I'd be a crappy warden for you.

[ Maybe, but that remark makes Root smile, relaxing into the present. ]

Good thing you're the best wife I could ever hope for.

I'd like to be helpful, though.

[If she can.]

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