cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

"that guy"? i thought he was you

he's an alternate universe version of me. we have the same or at least a really similar past, but we diverged pretty heavily. I was told even as an inmate that I wasn't really a lot like him

also we have different daemons so I consider that proof we are in fact different people :)

so, like a breach

I guess. we both knew Steve as kids, we both got drafted to the war, we both went through the HYDRA shit, we both fought Steve and nearly killed him, but I died in the fight and he didn't. I don't know what else is really different from our pasts because I only got to meet him once in one of Steve's memories

it was very awkward actually especially since I was still an inmate and not so good with people

even when that person is you?

take two really suspicious and awkward versions of the same person together and you bet your ass it's going to be uncomfortable

ok, good point

but do me a favor

if i ever vanish and some other me shows up, remember that it's still me, ok?

of course :)

honestly I was ADAMANT for the whole time that I was not the same person as Bucky. I didn't want to be. I wanted to be myself, not just a copy of someone else, you know?

so if it happens with you, then you're the same person. it's important what you want

i don't think of you as a copy

but i do remember that one breach more often than you'd probably like

it was too different to really confuse me, but it's still there

it doesn't bother me that you think about it Sameen

but I'm glad you don't think of me as a copy :) I'm a little less hung up on who "me" is these days since I've had some time to settle into it anyway

I even did go by Bucky when I was out in the world. felt pretty weird to be honest

why did you pick B, anyway?

completely through random conversation and without really thinking about it too hard to be honest!

it really bothered my warden that I didn't have a name so she kept picking random things to call me. started with Buddy actually. Bucky and Buddy just got shortened into B as a nickname at some point in a conversation and then I decided I liked it so I kept it

she'd been angling for me to pick up my original name again but she considered any name technically good enough in the end, thank god

"I just like to give people the option," he points out, but also, "Oh, no. Do not move that dog on my account, I think that'd be a mortal sin."

Steve can perch on the arm of the couch just fine, after all.

"So. That's always a fun flood."

Well. Sometimes it is, actually, and he'd gotten to see Becca again. That had been - wonderful. Awkward, a little, but wonderful.

Shaw only grunts in response to that, taking a chocolate fudge cookie from a plate on the counter and tossing it to him frisbee-style.

"Think fast, Rogers."

Still good. I'll probably head back to my place- well, Malcolm's place- in a few minutes. Iris is sleeping now and Hark's heading out.

Regularly? Christ. And here I'd been worried about having to talk to him over the phone. I'll have to keep track of it as a possibility later.

You're stocked up on weapons, right? That's fair to assume? Not that I hope he comes across you, but just in case. He told me in the letter he left for me that he looks forward to seeing all those 'in charge of my care.'

His hand snaps up to catch it; he grins, taking a bite but politely waiting until he's actually chewed and swallowed to say, "Thanks. These Root's?"

He's fairly sure Sameen's not the one baking, but you never know.

How do you feel about how this went down?

do you feel like you're literally a different person from who you were before the brainwashing torture stuff?

nah. only in the way that I'm a different person from who I was at 10 and 20 I guess

I think of it like the core layout of the house is still there it's just that the furniture got moved around, the walls repainted, and a few holes got knocked in the plaster here and there

[That's a completely separate thing from the multiple universe versions thing, to him.]

nice analogy

and i have to say, it's a relief to hear

thanks I've been sitting on it for ages in case Steve ever got a bug in his ear about it again

a relief that I don't think the torture turned me into someone totally different? is that something you worry about yourself?

no

but yours was centered around destabilizing your sense of self in a way that mine wasn't

[And the epicenter of her torture - the destabilization of her sense of reality - is something she continually struggles with.]

[ Will lets out a sigh. ]

Annoyed. Frustrated. Partially because Eric's actions make sense. I talked to Godric. Eric had been in bad shape when he got here. As a vampire, there's one way to fix that.

Not that it excuses his actions, especially the way he drained Hark like a particularly tasty juice box. But every inmate shows up here volatile.

[Shaw lets out a quiet grunt of acknowledgement.]

I feel you, brother. Same with Espinosa, same with Annie, same with every other inmate who wouldn't have sparked off a massacre if they'd known what was going on. This is on the Admiral's shoulders.

But I'm proud of you. All of this, how you handled it - you did good.

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