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lastvoyages
[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Shaw's door.]
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He leans back so he can take a swig of his coffee. "Maxwell gave the Boom Brothers their Turing Test, asking them to prove crap about her that no-one else could possibly know - and they both nailed it, three for three. So we were gonna err on the side of human decency, let him in to see what the deal was..."
He makes a face, bitter and rueful. "But Minkowski's already made sure we couldn't. She disabled the motion sensor on the door - a fun little party trick she learned from me. So, uh." He's less proud of this one, but it's still the full story. "So when the solar storm hit, and the outsider got put through the pressure cooker, he was... still on comms. So. I left the comms on. So the real McCobi and our illustrious captain could hear what they'd done to someone."
He looks down, resting his coffee in his lap. "Whatever else the thing out there was... he was scared."
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Not a question.
"Do you hold it against them, or do you understand why they did it?"
Though, she supposes, those two things might not be totally incompatible.
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He looks back at Shaw. "Besides, I... I get why she did it, kind of. I don't like it, and I don't have to. But I couldn't do it. I guess that's why I'm not the captain."
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Even if it's right - and she thinks that it probably was - she figures it's the type of thing that should be hard.
"I hope I get to meet her someday, your commander."
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He looks down at his coffee again. "You're not, like... it doesn't make you a bad person, for killing the copies of people you care about. You didn't ask to get put in that situation."
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She shrugs, uncomfortably.
"But I'm fine; I'm not angsting about it."
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Okay, you know what; being confused about that doesn't matter.
"Uh, usually nothing overtly awful. They talked about how they didn't trust me anymore a lot. They only straight-up betrayed me a few times; I think Samaritan figured out pretty quick that that was a little too heavy-handed for me. That was in the early days; later, the simulations were centered around the idea that I'd already been turned. I'd glitch out, find a gun in my hand. Glitch out again, and Reese would be walking ahead with his back to me, the perfect target. I'd pull the trigger. On instinct, or because I was brainwashed, or-- I don't know. A lot of the details are fuzzy now."
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"Oh. So... just 'cos you don't remember killing people, that doesn't actually mean you... didn't kill them. In your brain."
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She exhales.
"Yeah, no, not at all. Which. Yeah, you're right, that's a good sign."
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Her shoulders relax a little more.
"I didn't think you were lying maliciously. I can see how some people might see it as a... kindness, if they didn't really consider it my fault. But if you say you're not lying at all, I believe you."
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He looks down at his coffee to spare her the eye contact. "I know you don't wanna hurt me. I've known that since you got mind whammied by Lestat. So... look, I know that doesn't guarantee you won't ever hurt me, maybe, if things go completely pear-shaped or whatever. But it means I trust you, right as you are right now. But... if you can't trust yourself, maybe you could trust us?"
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