IC contact for lastvoyages

[cactusy]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Shaw's door.]

Comments

[cactusy]

Would Kiryu be happy about you resorting to this literally the second that he left.

[abrightboy]

I said okay.

And I never suggested that I can do this on my own.

But I guess you have nothing to worry about. Kiryu was always happy with your conduct.

[cactusy]

I'm holding up my end of the deal by telling you point-blank when I don't want to talk about something. You need to hold up yours by accepting that without being a dick about it. It's like that thing he said, something about how you aren't owed any part of myself I don't want to give. Except... worded better, and in a Japanese accent.

[abrightboy]

I said okay. I haven't asked the questions again. And you know what? I'm happy to not talk about your things when you don't want to and I've given those questions up easily, every time, but he kind of gave you carte blanche to never talk about anything that matters to me, ever, too. And what do I have?

[cactusy]

You've carte blanche to tell me to buzz off if I want to talk with you about things I want to talk about, but you don't.

[abrightboy]

When have I ever not wanted to talk about something?

[cactusy]

Okay, but that's not the point, Malcolm. You still have to respect people's boundaries, even if you don't like them and even if you don't have too many of your own. "But I don't have any boundaries" isn't a reason to try to push on other people's. I gave you a clear no to Neal mediating. This isn't even the first time I've given you a clear no to Neal mediating. If you don't care that I don't want it, that's not something you can change. But you can adjust how you act and stop asking.

[abrightboy]

I could probably accept it more easily if we could talk about why, but you won't even entertain it. Which is your prerogative, I guess, but it's not very much in the spirit of working things out together of you. 'Working things out together' has gotten exactly as far as never talk about anything at all unless it's... I don't know, is flavours of bubblegum too personal and provocative? Is sports too competitive and aggressive a topic?

[cactusy]

[A pause.]

Do you know Trevor Belmont?

[... Another pause.]

I'm not changing the subject; this is related. How I say it depends on whether or not you know the guy, that's all.

[abrightboy]

I know him. I met him at Kiryu’s cabin. We had drinks.

[cactusy]

He's a hundred times more aggressive and provocative than you. But he's easier to deal with, because he's provocative and aggressive all the time, predictably, and he doesn't care what anybody thinks of him. He's all rough edges. I know where I stand with him, and what to expect when I deal with him. And I can deal with him in my own way without doing him any harm.

You aren't like that. You swing wildly from pleasant to provocative in a way that seems totally random to me. You get me to let down my guard and then catch me off guard. You're soft and squishy with the occasional jagged spike. And if I deal with you in my own way, I hurt you. That's why there's a lot of things I can't talk about with you.

[abrightboy]

I thought the point of mediation was to help us learn to communicate so we could talk. And I thought that the tell me you don’t want to talk about something and I won’t was a waystation until we could get there, not the destination. But that’s where we’re at and you like it here, so I don’t think we’re leaving, to be honest.

[cactusy]

We have to start small. We can't go from zero to Neal in two-point-four seconds.

[abrightboy]

What’s one increment up from never talking about anything?

[cactusy]

Every time I've told you I don't want to talk about a particular thing, we've still talked about something.

[abrightboy]

So one increment up from that is.....?

[cactusy]

I don't know, Malcolm. Deal with this increment first. That's how relationships work.

[abrightboy]

Like I said: we live here now, where it’s comfy for you. And we’re never moving from it because we don’t even know where there is to go.

[cactusy]

You are the only one who keeps saying "never".

[abrightboy]

Well, I asked for a direction or what progress looks like and there wasn’t an answer. Tell me how to draw another conclusion. How are you drawing it?

[cactusy]

Malcolm--

[She pauses for several seconds, gritting her teeth hard.]

How about you start by treating me like I'm a goddamn person instead of a videogame you're trying to level up on. Okay? If a person matters to you as more than just a concept or an idea you've come up with in your head, that means the process of getting to know them matters, not just some hypothetical end goal where they always do what you want and tell you everything you want to know.

I told you before that I don't tink I can give you what you're looking for. For the record, I still think that's true. I think you like the idea of being friends with me, or you like the me you've made up in your head. But you've never given me a single sign that you actually like me, and the fact that you think the process of actually getting to know me is too slow and boring and pointless unless there's some concrete win for you at the end of it? Just reinforces that.

[abrightboy]

That’s not how I think of it. That’s how you think I think of it because the way I process information is somehow offensive to you. How am I supposed to get to know you at any speed when you veto every topic I ask about? You pick a topic, then. Pick something to talk about that qualifies for this… point in the relationship.

[cactusy]

Why, if apparently every time I've done that before it's meant nothing to you, because you're only interested in what you're interested in and that's that?

How you process information isn't offensive to me. How you treat people and how you react when people respond badly is offensive to me. I don't know how many different ways I'm gonna need to say that before it sinks in, but right now, you're talking like those meetings with Kiryu never happened and we're back at square one.

[abrightboy]

Choose a topic and let me have a chance!

[cactusy]

Not right now, I'm too pissed off. Gimme a couple days.

And try to remember all the chances I keep giving you. I'm putting a hell of a lot of effort into this, Bright; it'd be cool if you didn't act like I'm not.