cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

Yeah, I gathered that part.

[She rolls over so that she can look Root in the eye.]

You wanna talk about it, or leave it alone?

[ Root doesn't avert her gaze. ]

Will it upset you if I do?

It won't upset me either way.

[ Okay. Root gives a slight nod. ]

Did you know if you try and poison a daemon, their person can get sick. And that you can't see what your daemon does when you're blindfolded, no matter how much pain you're in, or how scared you are. And that you can can learn to tolerate people touching your daemon. It always feels awful, but you stop reacting. That takes away a sadist's enjoyment. Makes them less likely to be rough with you.

It was a relief when he settled. Harder for them to find him. They still did, though. My little late bloomer.

[ She shudders again. ]

It felt like I'd never be free again. So after I was out, I couldn't let that happen to anyone else. If I couldn't save the others, I could at least stop them catching new people.

Edited 2024-03-26 23:07 (UTC)

[Shaw doesn't interrupt, not even with her facial expressions: she remains still and impassive-looking, even when Root describes the horrors that she'd been subjected to. It's not until Root is done talking that she lifts a hand and smooths her fingers over Root's brow.]

I really wish I'd blown the place sky-high.

Maybe we do. [ In that place, those versions of themselves might rally enough support and resources to do just that.

It's close to what Root dreams of doing to Samaritan. Not painful enough, though. Not personal enough. But that's for another time.

Root holds Shaw a little more tightly, her gaze steady on Shaw's. ]

I want to watch every Samaritan facility burn to the ground, with you by my side.

I know it was just a breach. I'm not confused right now.

[And yet-- she takes hold of Root's hand and tugs it over to her own body, pressing Root's palm flat to her chest. Her pulse rate is high, her heart thudding fast.]

But I'm furious on your behalf.

[ So it did upset her to hear it, just not in the way Root thought it might. Breaches seem a lot like the way Shaw describes Samaritan's simulations. Root had been worried that talking about her breach self's time in captivity would remind Shaw about her own time in actual captivity. And yet here is Shaw, so compassionate that her heart beats not unlike the way Root's does whenever she thinks of avenging Shaw. ]

That's how I feel about what Samaritan did to you. Enraged. [ Sighing softly, she touches her forehead to Shaw's. ] We can get flamethrowers for when we take them all down.

We will. We'll have you back, so we'll stand a chance again.

[But they can't do anything about a fake breach world. Root - this Root or that Root - will never get proper justice.]

You always stood a chance without me.

[ She'd asked the Machine about hypotheticals now and then, when her entirely too human worries overrode her rational thought processes. It might be more difficult without Root, She had said, but not impossible.

But lest Shaw think she's being pessimistic-- ]

I'm okay, Sameen. She's okay. I'm not a scared little girl in a grownup's body. I won't compromise the mission in a panic.

Yeah.

[Yeah, that had been an amateur move, but Root - Samantha - had been an amateur during the breach. But all the same--]

Would you sacrifice the mission to save me, though?

You'd be mad at me if I did.

[ That's not a real answer, but it does give Root a few extra seconds to think the question over. ]

I'd sacrifice myself to save you. I'd rather die with you than leave you to die, and I'd rather die than see Samaritan win.

[ It isn't unlike the logic that led her to take the bullet meant for Harold. He is actually necessary for their plans to succeed. Root... well. An analogue interface can be replaced, but there is only one administrator, one father of god. And only one Sameen Shaw. ]

[Shaw's own logic is similar, with one key difference. Harold and Root are irreplaceable, both in terms of their roles and their brains. But Shaw herself? She's a grunt. She's highly intelligent, but not a genius. Her role is muscle, and muscle is a dime a dozen.

And she will absolutely, under all circumstances, sacrifice herself to save Root. Harold too, but especially Root.]

I won't ask you to leave me to die again.

[She can at least promise that. She knows what it did to her the first time.]

[ She's not expecting to hear that, so hits her harder than it might have otherwise. Root holds her breath, waiting for the rush of fluttering, wild relief to ebb before she pulls her head back to meet Shaw's gaze. ]

Thank you.

[ There's weight to that, for all the sincerity and even joy in it. It's heavy, a grounding sensation. She'll never have to watch Shaw get gunned down, with no way to save her, ever again. It's the best thing Root could ask for, given their lifestyle. ]

Yeah, well. Don't get too excited; I'm not letting you make me leave you to die, either. So I guess we'll die saving each other. Together or not at all, or whatever.

[She exhales, closing her eyes.]

I can't believe they had you since childhood.

Live together, die together.

[ She can absolutely agree to that.

The feeling of that life being real is fading, but Root still remembers plenty of details with enough clarity that she can compare it to her actual life with confidence. ]

Hmm... It was kind of like growing up where I did in my real life. Not exactly, of course, but... trapped in a small place. Mistreated because I was different and alone. Waiting for the day I could finally leave.

[ They didn't torture her in any tangible way, but it wasn't pleasant being smarter than all her peers, being told to smile when all she felt was resentment, hiding all the parts of her their so-called holy book would condemn. ]

[Shaw's fingers stray up to Root's hair, semi-unconsciously seeking out the spot behind her ear where Rolf used to hide.]

Small-town Texas and unethical research labs have something in common. Who knew.

[ No more Rolf. No more voice of god. It's very quiet in Root's head these days. Her eyes drift shut as Shaw strokes her hair. ]

They had you for almost a year. They made you feel worse than I did in the breach. I'm so sorry, baby.

[ She should've demanded the Machine's help sooner. ]

Hey.

[She nudges her fingers more insistently against Root's scalp.]

You know this isn't a competition, right?

Right. [ Root nods. ] I just... I know a little better now what that might've been like for you.

[ And it actually happened. Root still isn't sure if the breach is some other reality. It's not impossible, but she's still though Root, from their world. ]

Do you miss Hadayat?

[Shaw's expression settles into a small, thoughtful frown. She starts to shake her head, but then hesitates.]

I don't know. I don't think so; not really. You know I didn't have the same kind of relationship with him that most people did with their daemons. There wasn't much to him; we didn't communicate.

[She exhales.]

I guess... that's a problem I have in every reality, real or not.

[ Root shakes her a little. ]

You say it's a problem, but that's how I'm going to find you. No matter where we are, or who we are, I'll always know you're someone I can trust. The one person I don't want to live without.

How will you be able to tell, if you don't know me?

[How had she been able to tell on their own world, when she'd first met her?]

The way you dance in the light. The way you move, the lines you trace, the shapes you make.

[ Shut up, let her wax poetic about waveforms and relativity ans music. ]

I don't believe in soulmates, but the ripples in your wake? I'll recognize them. I'll know what they mean.

I don't get it.

[It's not meant as a dismissal - it's not a You're wrong, or an I think you're full of shit. But all the same...]

What makes my, uh, ripples so special that you'd be able to pick them out like that?

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