cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

so I don't have to make a speech?

god no this is just basically a fancy engagement

now if we're all still here when the wedding happens I might make you make a speech :)

[He's teasing. Mostly.]

you okay with waiting a year?

I figure it will take that long for Steve to come to terms with it and me to plan something perfect

besides it's tradition now. we do big relationship things on his birthday. clearly our anniversary should be that day too

and if we wind up speeding things along anyway, I doubt Sweeney will get mad or anything

if you do do it after you leave, you know i'll cross worlds for you, right?

I will personally come pick you up for it if we get married off-ship :) what good is an interdimensional spaceship if I don't use it to make sure all my favorite people are at my wedding?

good

so what's the difference between a handfasting and an engagement party?

well an engagement party would be a party. this is just a little ceremony where Sweeney ties our hands together for a little bit and we pledge to get married

I'm not making a big deal out of this right now in public

[For several reasons, really.]

my lips are sealed

he freaks out because of the alternate universe yous, right?

yeah. he married the last one too and I know whenever there are parallels it upsets him.

so we handfast and it gives him a year (or less, sure, if he gets impatient) to come to terms with it being different than last time

i don't know if it would help or hurt

but i could talk to him about it if you want

the simulations had a lot of different versions of different people

the big problem is that he worries things with me are going to turn out like things like him I think. whenever we hit a milestone he hit with Bucky we deal with some worry on his part that it's going to happen with me

right after they got married is when that guy disappeared and I showed up like a couple months later. so I expect when I bring up marriage he's going to have a similar kind of weird worry going on

I won't say no to you having a chat with him once we get the handfasting done with, though. it might help just to have someone who ain't me talk with him

"that guy"? i thought he was you

he's an alternate universe version of me. we have the same or at least a really similar past, but we diverged pretty heavily. I was told even as an inmate that I wasn't really a lot like him

also we have different daemons so I consider that proof we are in fact different people :)

so, like a breach

I guess. we both knew Steve as kids, we both got drafted to the war, we both went through the HYDRA shit, we both fought Steve and nearly killed him, but I died in the fight and he didn't. I don't know what else is really different from our pasts because I only got to meet him once in one of Steve's memories

it was very awkward actually especially since I was still an inmate and not so good with people

even when that person is you?

take two really suspicious and awkward versions of the same person together and you bet your ass it's going to be uncomfortable

ok, good point

but do me a favor

if i ever vanish and some other me shows up, remember that it's still me, ok?

of course :)

honestly I was ADAMANT for the whole time that I was not the same person as Bucky. I didn't want to be. I wanted to be myself, not just a copy of someone else, you know?

so if it happens with you, then you're the same person. it's important what you want

i don't think of you as a copy

but i do remember that one breach more often than you'd probably like

it was too different to really confuse me, but it's still there

it doesn't bother me that you think about it Sameen

but I'm glad you don't think of me as a copy :) I'm a little less hung up on who "me" is these days since I've had some time to settle into it anyway

I even did go by Bucky when I was out in the world. felt pretty weird to be honest

why did you pick B, anyway?

completely through random conversation and without really thinking about it too hard to be honest!

it really bothered my warden that I didn't have a name so she kept picking random things to call me. started with Buddy actually. Bucky and Buddy just got shortened into B as a nickname at some point in a conversation and then I decided I liked it so I kept it

she'd been angling for me to pick up my original name again but she considered any name technically good enough in the end, thank god

do you feel like you're literally a different person from who you were before the brainwashing torture stuff?

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