cactusy | IC contact for lastvoyages

You're in no position to tell me what to do.

[ Root crawls behind her, on all fours like a predator, exaggerating every movement. Once out of Shaw's field of vision, she slides a hand up Shaw's back, up her neck, and grips just hard enough to put pressure on her windpipe. ]

[God, but Shaw has missed this. The fact that she can't see Root is kind of infuriating, though, and she swallows hard against her palm, the movement involuntary.]

You gonna make me beg?

[She murmurs, craning her neck to try to see Root behind her.]

You gonna break me underneath you?

[ Beg, yes. It's been too long. As Shaw tries to look at her, Root tightens her grip a little, for just a second. But break--

For a second, it's just part of the game, a violent but loving way they show each other affection and understanding. And then it's not that. Then it's close to a year tied up and forced to live thousands of lives with the intent to shatter the strong, beautiful spirit that stole Root's heart. ]

N-no.

[ Her hand falters, jerking back to Shaw's shoulder. Is Root... recreating that right now? Because if she is, even if Shaw doesn't mind, Root does. it's all Root can think about, suddenly, chest tight and breath shaking. ]

[Uh-oh. Something is happening here and it's weird as fuck.]

Root?

[Shaw can't really sit up in this position, at least not very well, but she tries anyway, twisting her upper body in another, more determined effort to get a look at Root's face.]

[ Shaw's voice ground Root enough that she can move again, starting with moving to undo the handcuffs. It takes almost no time at all, so Shaw will see the terror leave Root's face to be replaced with the shakiest, most short-lived smile. ]

Sorry, baby. I guess I'm not really up to this right now.

[Shaw's brow creases, and now she sits up fully, rubbing her wrists as she scoots back to sit at Root's side. God, she'd looked... scared. No, more than that; she'd looked terrified.]

Hey. Hey, look at me - what the hell happened?

[She hesitates just briefly, then reaches out a hand to touch her arm.]

Nothing. [ Another forced smile. Root shakes her head and does not look at Shaw. If she looks at Shaw, she will lose it. ] Just-- I'm just out of practice.

[Shaw is quiet for a good long moment, feeling very much like she's in uncharted waters here. She doesn't know how to deal with this. She's crap at dealing with this, and Root deserves someone who isn't crap at dealing with this; Root deserves someone who won't look at a situation like this and be completely out to sea.

Shaw isn't that person. But the least she can do is try.

Gently, she puts a finger to Root's chin, lifting it up to meet her worried gaze.]

[ Root keeps her eyes closed for as long as she can, even as tears build behind her eyelids. Eventually, though, after just a few seconds, she meets Shaw's gaze and loses her grip on her composure. She throws herself against Shaw and hugs her tight as the tears break free. ]

Root.

[She murmurs it quietly into Root's ear, wrapping both arms around her and holding her tightly enough that she will, hopefully, not interpret her next words as any kind of rebuff. ]

You're kinda freaking me out here.

I'm sorry. [ Root isn't sobbing, which she's grateful for. Being able to talk right now is kind of important.

A deep, shaky breath in. ]

I can't... do this. Not today. I just-- can't tie you up and--

[ Breathe breathe breathe. Root has been through literal surgery without anesthetic before. She can get her thoughts together and talk to the person she trusts most. ]

I can't stop picturing you tied up for months and I can't do that to you, I'm sorry.

[Oh. Okay, in retrospect, that being the issue should probably have been obvious: the circumstances are just so different in Shaw's mind that the clear parallel honestly didn't occur to her. She curls her one arm tighter still around Root's back, and then shifts to lean Root against her side rather than holding her from the front.]

You don't have to apologize.

[She nudges her chin into Root's hair, tucking Root's head into the crook of her neck.]

But, uh, for what it's worth? I like doing this stuff with you because-- okay, honestly, yeah, because you're really good at it. But also because I trust you not to harm me, even when you're hurting me.

You're nothing like they were.

[ Even as she curls up into Shaw's embrace, Root's cheeks burn with shame. ]

You're the one who went through it, and I'm the one who's upset right now.

Yeah, well. You may be a pain-in-the-ass ex-assassin, but you have a lot of empathy.

[Especially for the people that she loves - and Shaw knows full well how much Root loves her.]

You know me; I've never cried or gotten really upset about it. So... at least one of us is. You can think of it that way if it helps.

Okay. [ Root still feels stupid, but she'll take it. She'll be the one to cry about it.

She turns her head just enough to kiss Shaw's neck. ] I'll get there again. I love making you feel good. I love that you love it. That you trust me.

You don't have to rush yourself. It's not the only value you have to me. I--

[She's cut off by a bark - not from Jet, who's visiting with Will's other dogs this afternoon, but from Bear, who has appeared rather suddenly on the other side of the small cabin and is making a beeline towards them on their couch cushion nest.

-- Oh, yeah. Right. She did ask the Admiral for this to be a thing, didn't she?]

[ Of course Root has things to say to that, but she too is distracted by the bark, and the way recognition rolls over her like a gentle wave on the shore. ]

Bear? [ She sits up, looks wide-eyed at Shaw, and then there he is, Bear, evidently happy to see them. ] Did you ask for Bear?

[ Smiling, she reaches out to give Bear some scritches. ]

I've been thinking about it for a couple months. And, I don't know, everything seems like it's been going okay with Graham's dogs--

[Bear shoves his nose against her chest, and she closes her eyes against the wave of relief and affection that she feels as she rubs his ears, murmuring: ]

Hey, buddy. Missed you.

[ The evening isn't a complete loss, then.

Root lays her head on Shaw's shoulder again. ]

I can make us sandwiches if you want. Feed Bear.

Actually, do you wanna just sit here for a while instead?

[Shaw is turning down food - wonders of wonders.]

[ That is a marvel, and one Root is more than okay with. ]

Yeah. ...thank you for understanding.

I meant it, you know.

[Her eyes still closed, she smooths a hand over Bear's fur, breathing in his familiar scent.]

Kinky sex is great, but you're... I don't know, valuable.

I know. [ Root's hand rests on Bear's flank. Feeling him breathe is soothing. ] I love you too.

I'll make it up to you... someday. You went to all the trouble of hiding things in the safe... [ She sighs, more performative than not. ] The handcuffs could be cuter, though.

Yeah, well, I don't do cute.

[Says the woman who's currently cuddled up on a pillow pile with her girlfriend and her dog.]

Seriously, Root. You get that you are enough for me, right?

[ Root will not point that out. This cute moment is a cute memory she'll keep forever. ]

I get it. I know.

[ Sometimes it's like she's twelve again, small and easy to shove aside, not strong enough or loud enough or important enough to be noticed, not enough to save the one person in town who really gave her hope. But that's hers to deal with, not Shaw's.

Root sighs and relaxes against Shaw. Shaw who is here and alive and well. ]

And you know I love you just how you are. Blunt, and kinky, and strong, and soft.

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